Yesterday was the annual, "You weren't planning on getting home on time, were you?" Extravaganza. Here is what I mean:
It's when all of the bridges downtown are raised to allow these massive battleships to be displayed by cheering suburbanites who flock downtown for this visual experience. It causes Trimet delays (all trains, and most buses are affected), and you're not even allowed to walk across certain bridges, even if they aren't raised. So there I was, waiting to cross the bridge in the only part of town without a nearby bar.
This year they had a boat shooting water in every direction, and sometimes they colored that water (it's okay, no one swims in this river):
That's how we do it in Merica, it's all about the red, the color water makes shooting 40 feet in the air, and blue.
The picture below is from last year, when I must have been pretending to be sick, because I was actually home for the event:
And, this is what the ships look like today:
[Now that I've lured you in with pretty pictures, the hidden agenda becomes clear].
This event is in preparation for a parade happening tomorrow. My last picture was going to be of people setting up tents on the sidewalks downtown, saving their viewing spots for this parade, but I couldn't fathom posting pictures of random assholes online with the intent of showing how fucking stupid they are. If I was homeless, and actually slept on sidewalks, tonight would be my holiday. I would find some cheap meth, and spend all night fucking with these people. When a gigantic rain storm rolled through around 1pm today, my thoughts were directed right at those tent building fuckers getting what they deserve.
Everyone loves the Rose Parade, everyone except me. I fucking hate waiting, which is why I hated last night, and is why I hate parades. Ever try to walk around a parade? Good fucking luck. It's like a giant snake dividing the city in half.
The real reason this post is important is to warn all of you beautiful Portlanders that if you want to party hard tonight, AVOID DOWNTOWN. It's filled with sailors looking to get drunk and laid, but not in that order. A sister of a friend a couple years ago decided to make out with a sailor, and obtained the worst mutated strand of boat sickness any of us ever experiences (not to say I've had mild forms of mutated boat sickness). I say "us" because we all got it after she did, because we hang out with her. So count me as one who thinks this whole experience can fuck right off, and you if you find yourself in the same room as a sailor, cover your mouth.
Wonk takes the cake for best long-form post of the day.
Nah, maybe I won that title with the Facebook post the other day, but your Ween post in the R.A.D. was rad. I didn't want to muck up your thread with a dissenting opinion, so I might as well bury my response in a thread only a few of us read.
If this is indeed the end of Ween, that was an appropriate send off. But I 99% disagree. Bands like Ween don't break up. Being a Ween fan is a way of life (You'll love it). It can be argued that Ween owes more to their fans than any other band. It's just two ugly nerds, one who happens to be an above average singer, and one who happens to be a bad ass guitar player. Even twelve years into their career, they were still getting booed off the stage (I know, because I was one of those booing in 1996). Ween doesn't lose fans if they make a shitty album, their fans dig deeper into trying to figure out what it means. Ween fans are the only reason Ween still exists. Sure every band has fans, but when Soundgarden breaks up, you latch onto Pearl Jam, like the drummer did. There is nothing else remotely close to Ween though.
It's easy to say the White Stripes, the Talking Heads and REM are done. Their lead singers can make a shit ton of money on their own, so why even keep the legacy alive. Gene and Dean are nothing without each other, as evident by Aaron Freeman playing the 350 capacity Doug Fir, while Jack White is close to selling out the Rose Garden. You think Jarvis Cocker would ever play the Doug Fir?
I can't imagine what Gene is going through right now, with rehab and all, but I guarantee he isn't the most mentally fit of his career. If you are used to being drunk and high all the time, being sober must be a shock to the system. Shocking enough to accept an interview with fucking Rolling Stone, and shocking enough to tell Rolling Stone, "you know what, I think those counselors are right, I think being sober is the way to go, that means Ween is done." I'm glad you mentioned Phish in your post, because that is a similar situation. I'm pretty sure you told me the story at the diner the day after Phish last summer, when someone said, "I've seen Phish a lot more than you have, but I've never seen anything like that." Ween will be back.
Ween can literally do no wrong in the eyes of their fans, except break up. I'm here to say, THEY WON'T DO YOU LIKE THAT BRO.
Post by Horned Gramma on Jun 9, 2012 14:54:18 GMT -8
I was watching some footage of 'Aaron Freeman' doing a solo show. He is trying so hard to eliminate the weird voices and the goofy facial expressions and the making-fun-of-a-retarded-person hand gestures, but he just seems fucking incapable of doing it.
Ween'll be back when Gener falls off the wagon; I just hope it's long enough for him to develop a sense of moderation.
So Stormy and HG; in light of Pea being the baddest mamba jamba this side of the Mississippi and securing Lucy a Sigur Ros ticket, can you two pencil Lucy and I in for arriving in Portland Thursday August 9th until Saturday morning the 11th? We certainly don't want to impose but we are stupid excited to hang with you guys! This will be my first time in Portlanda!