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May 22, 2013, 3:20am

Sasquatch! Music Festival :: Non-Sasquatch Discussion :: General Chat :: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess...

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DREW OF THE RUSHES
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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1245 on Sept 7, 2012, 12:10pm »

The "goddamned cilantro cavern" had me in stitches

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Apr 26, 2013, 9:25pm, weenie wrote:

"I like my bags sizeable." -someone, not me probably.

NO LOVE DEEP BJORRITO
Hollering Maricoxi

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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1246 on Sept 7, 2012, 5:51pm »

Sept 7, 2012, 11:28am, weenie wrote:

This one's for you-know-who:

[image]

Quote:

Dear guy who just made my burrito:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing life a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

Hahahaha, there's a new sig for me in there somewhere.

I know lettuce country all too well. Sometimes I'll zone my beans and my meat, but that's as far as it goes. Also, sour cream is burrito suicide. First mistake right there.

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May 14, 2013, 10:29pm, wonk wrote:

My dick has NO LOVE DEEP WEB written on it. Look for me in general camping.

Apr 26, 2013, 4:33pm, polecat wrote:

Best of both worlds, save for the hideously disDr. Garbanzoured nutsack.

emptyfox
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PRIMUS SUCKS

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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1247 on Sept 7, 2012, 5:54pm »

There's nothing wrong with a bit of sour cream, but there's no damn hot sauce on that thing.

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Apr 9, 2013, 10:33pm, stingray wrote:

ya i can't harlem shake to sugar rose

NO LOVE DEEP BJORRITO
Hollering Maricoxi

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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1248 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:03pm »

There is everything wrong with a bit of sour cream. I don't understand how people eat "food" that sounds, tastes, looks, and smells like it belongs in the garbage.

In b4 Los Gorditos joke.

If the salsa is right, hot sauce isn't always necessary. Judging by the fact that this post came from Canada; imported hot sauce is definitely necessary.

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May 14, 2013, 10:29pm, wonk wrote:

My dick has NO LOVE DEEP WEB written on it. Look for me in general camping.

Apr 26, 2013, 4:33pm, polecat wrote:

Best of both worlds, save for the hideously disDr. Garbanzoured nutsack.

emptyfox
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PRIMUS SUCKS

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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1249 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:11pm »

I used to feel much the same about said sour cream young burrito.

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Apr 9, 2013, 10:33pm, stingray wrote:

ya i can't harlem shake to sugar rose

Pea
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Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess...
« Reply #1250 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:22pm via the ProBoards Mobile App »

A self proclaimed burrito connoisseur that doesn't like sour cream makes about as much sense as a beer snob that doesn't like hoppiness.

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Mar 3, 2013, 6:13pm, Dr. Garbanzo wrote:

Its a Sasquatch Dr. Garbanzohting a bear Dr. Garbanzohting a Sasquatch.

Horned Gramma
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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1251 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:28pm »

I fucking hate sour cream.

Sour. Cream. Cream... that has gone sour. Looks like jizz, tastes like jizz, and has the consistency of road squirrel on a summer day. No thanks.

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Dec 8, 2011, 9:44pm, knowidyuh wrote:

As a general rule of thumb, do what HG says.

May 20, 2013, 9:59pm, cheblarwharpo wrote:

This thread has all the cares...

NO LOVE DEEP BJORRITO
Hollering Maricoxi

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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1252 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:31pm »

Fucking thank you Gramma.

The rest of you disgust me.

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May 14, 2013, 10:29pm, wonk wrote:

My dick has NO LOVE DEEP WEB written on it. Look for me in general camping.

Apr 26, 2013, 4:33pm, polecat wrote:

Best of both worlds, save for the hideously disDr. Garbanzoured nutsack.

wonk
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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1253 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:33pm »

Sept 7, 2012, 5:51pm, NO LOVE DEEP BJORRITO wrote:

Also, sour cream is burrito suicide. First mistake right there.

Proof that I indeed am the board's biggest burrito fan.

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Feb 15, 2013, 4:55pm, weenie wrote:

Oh man, I'm sexually sigging this.

StormyPinkness
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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1254 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:49pm »

Dude, I don't know what jizz you are tasting, but sour cream does not taste like that. Sour cream is far more enjoyable.

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Apr 13, 2013, 1:08am, weenie wrote:

But seriously...those flowers are seriously beautiful and i will curb stomp you if fuck them up.

But really.

Don't fuck up my azaleas.

StormyPinkness
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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1255 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:51pm »

Also that is so not the consistency. If your sour cream is chunky you're doing it wrong.

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Apr 13, 2013, 1:08am, weenie wrote:

But seriously...those flowers are seriously beautiful and i will curb stomp you if fuck them up.

But really.

Don't fuck up my azaleas.

NO LOVE DEEP BJORRITO
Hollering Maricoxi

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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1256 on Sept 7, 2012, 6:58pm »

I learned how to make and eat burritos in New Mexico, not Canada.

I miss my people right now.

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May 14, 2013, 10:29pm, wonk wrote:

My dick has NO LOVE DEEP WEB written on it. Look for me in general camping.

Apr 26, 2013, 4:33pm, polecat wrote:

Best of both worlds, save for the hideously disDr. Garbanzoured nutsack.

davers
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Re: Memes and other funny internet junk, I guess..
« Reply #1257 on Sept 7, 2012, 7:04pm »

Put me in the no sour cream camp. If you are going to eat that stuff at least give it a better name than sour cream. Next thing you know stale chips and rancid butter will be a thing.

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